Cocktails with Carl
To Build Trust With Others, Get to Know Yourself Intimately First
Around a year ago I wrote a blog post about building trust, highlighting that the key to developing deep relationships was the ability to build trust with your team. I then listed a number of ideas for leaders to try in order to build that trust. You can find that original post here: https://www.junecostudio.com/blog/cocktails-with-carl-3.
In this post I’d like to go a little deeper on the idea of building trust. To do that, let's turn our attention inward, take a long look in the mirror, and determine just how well we think we know ourselves. Why? Because it’s nearly impossible to be a great leader if you are lost individually.
Maybe you’ve experienced this first hand working for a manager or playing for a coach that is impossible to follow. They haven’t garnered your respect but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Most likely, it’s because they aren’t rooted in anything in particular. They’re inconsistent, meandering through their days indecisively when they should be leading with purpose.
To avoid this, effective leaders need to build a strong foundation based on a well defined personal leadership style. So, how exactly do we figure out what this unique, individual “leadership style” is? I recommend focusing on the following 3 areas of personal development.
Establish a Set of Personal Core Values
I once heard someone talk about the difference between personality and character as a way to define how we think about core values. Personality is fleeting/superficial and changes with our environment. Character is deeper. It is formed over a long period of time and has a moral component to it. Basically, character=core values.
As leaders we spend a lot of time talking about an organizational value system-a published set of values that we want the team to align with and rally around. The same theory applies to personal core values except that the values are connected to you only-not the team. To establish this set of personal core values takes some time. I won’t get into all the specifics here but the high level process should encompass a combination of the following steps:
Think of the best experiences of your life and what was happening. What values were being honored? (Ex: childbirth=family, finishing a marathon=accomplishment)
Think of the most difficult experiences of your life and what was happening. What values were being suppressed? (Ex: business failure is suppressing success)
What are the most important things in your life? What do you absolutely need for fulfillment? (Ex: health/vitality, adventure/excitement)
Where do you spend your money and time? (Ex: golfing with friends, traveling with your family)
Once you’ve gone through and answered these questions and thought about them over time, select those that are essential. Which values represent your primary way of being? Write down 5-10 max, look at them often, and be sure to update them as necessary.
Develop a Personal Brand
Just like character=core values, reputation=personal brand. Your personal brand is built over time and whether it is positive or negative, it tends to stick with you. Let’s hope it is positive!
There are all sorts of theories on how to develop a personal brand. Shallow and inauthentic methodologies should be avoided, meaning Facebook and Instagram are not great tools to use in this case. Instead, develop your personal brand through a pattern of behavior over time using direct interaction and communication with other people.
To measure where your personal brand might stand today, ask a few people close to you to describe you using adjectives. Look for consistencies and patterns in their replies. The most useful is honest and objective feedback. It might not all be good-and that’s ok.
Once you’ve compiled the feedback, create an intentional plan for the brand attributes you want to emphasize. I would recommend focusing on about 5. Understand that any repositioning is going to have to be accomplished through consistent behavior over time!
Define a Personal Operating System
This is a difficult concept to explain as it contains much more nuance. To define a personal operating system, think about how you go through your daily process and the habits you use to lead others. An effective operating system is predictable, reliable, and intentional. Avoid erratic, volatile, and undisciplined behavior as this will lead to a total breakdown of trust from your team.
To work on defining or changing your operating system, I would recommend connecting with a business coach or mentor. Find someone that can give you honest feedback about your flaws and negative tendencies, but can also give you suggestions on course correction. Another idea is to select a leader that you really admire and work to mirror that same style.
Lastly, your personal operating system is probably going to change more often than your core values and personal brand. This is because your operating system needs to evolve as you find yourself in different stages of your career. For example you may go from entrepreneur > manager > owner over the course of time, each requiring a totally different operating system.
If you are struggling to build trust with your team and your inability to develop those deep relationships are hindering you from becoming the best leader you can be, contemplate if your personal leadership style has been clearly defined. If not, try going through the above process, focusing on the highlighted areas of personal development. It will take some time to do it, but the investment will be well worth it. In the end, your team will thank you.
Good Luck!
Cocktail Recipe: Cantarito
Cinco De Mayo is an excuse to try a new drink from Mexico. Drink it out of a Cantarito cup-a traditional clay cup used to drink tequila in the Mexican state of Jalisco.
2 ozs Blanco Tequila
1 oz Orange Juice
½ oz Lime Juice
½ oz Lemon Juice
1 pinch Salt
4 ozs Grapefruit Soda
Lemon and Lime Wedge Garnish
Fill a Cantarito cup or highball glass with tequila, orange juice, lime juice, lemon juice, and a pinch of salt. Fill the cup or glass with ice and top off with the grapefruit soda. Garnish with the citrus wedges.