Cocktails with Carl

Resolving Conflict

As the owner of a company, leader of people, and father of 2 daughters, it feels like I am constantly dealing with conflict, either directly or by advising someone else on how to get through it. It’s not an ideal way to spend your time but I’ve accepted that it’s inevitable. Whenever you get a team of people together on a consistent basis, conflict is gonna rear it ugly head. 

Conflict can occur in a variety of ways: between managers and subordinates, among entirely separate teams, or simply between two employees. It usually starts with poor communication or a misunderstanding, then grows from there via gossip and blame. Once identified, our job as leaders is to step in and help get it resolved. We can do that by following an uncomplicated process which I’ve highlighted below.

Recognize the tension.

Good leaders are usually pretty intuitive about the chemistry of their teams and they have the ability to anticipate where potential problems might arise. Don’t ignore your gut in this case. Keep your attention level raised and be ready.

Embrace the conflict.

Once things boil over, ignoring the problem is only going to make it worse. After you’ve  noticed there is a conflict, attack it and encourage those involved to connect and begin to work on it. If it is allowed to fester, the situation may get out of control and it will begin to negatively impact the work of others.

Talk through it.

Arrange a meeting for those involved to clear the air without interruption. It’s probably best to find an isolated location. Give both sides ample opportunity to speak without allowing one side to monopolize the time or control the conversation. Avoid gossip, blame, and overly negative opinions to be spewed. 

Listen intently to the other party.

Listening is such an underrated and rare skill. In most cases, people are totally ignoring what others are saying and only planning on what they want to say next. It’s entirely counterproductive and a major sign of immaturity. Plus it leads to continued misunderstanding. As the moderator, encourage each party to seek clarity and understanding. Repeat often what is being said and ask both parties if they agree or not. 

Find compatibility.

Most people that are in conflict or disagreement actually agree on a lot more than they realize they do. The goal here is to highlight those areas of agreement when presented. Pause the conversation at these points and let each party know that they’ve come together on something. This will go a long way to building trust and help get the relationship headed in the right direction.

Advise and direct.

The conflict is probably not going away entirely after 1 exchange. As the leader, make suggestions on follow up. What happens next? Help map out a plan of progression.

Apologize, forgive, and let it go.

 Disagreements usually lead to strong words and hurt people. Both sides are usually guilty. Professionally mature people that are truly invested in resolving the problem will apologize for their wrongdoings, forgive the other party for theirs, and then forget that it happened to begin with. I call this “hitting the reset button”. 

I use the term imperfect human beings quite often. What I mean by that is that our own ego’s, opinions, and selfishness get in the way more than we’d like to admit. Because of this, we are forced to deal with conflict almost everyday of our lives. It’s inescapable. The good thing is that there is a path to resolution and it’s not difficult to follow. Next time you find yourself embroiled in conflict or managing others that are butting heads, try going through these seven steps. I’m confident you’ll be happy with the results.

Good luck!

Cocktail Recipe: Rosé Margarita

Did you know that February 22 is national margarita day? Neither did I. Try this one out for something new.

4 oz Rosé*

1 oz Silver Tequila*

1 oz Fresh Lime Juice

1.5 oz Simple Syrup

Salt

In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine the tequila, lime juice and simple syrup. Shake vigorously for 30 seconds. Pour the contents into a salt rimmed glass and stir in the rose wine. 

*to make a non-alcoholic version: substitute Rose Lemonade for Rosé wine and zero-proof Jalisco for Tequila.