Cocktails with Carl
The Lost Art of Verbal Communication
A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to get rid of the “office phones” that sat on everybody’s desk. After surveying the team, it was apparent that nobody was using them. I probably could have done it sooner. They had been collecting dust, waiting to be a part of an important conversation once again. It wasn’t gonna happen. So we unplugged the phones and wound up the cords, preparing them for their final resting place. At the very least we’d save on some operating costs while decluttering the office.
The entire exercise reminded me of just how far we’ve advanced with new technology. Verbal communication has become almost extinct, replaced with the ease and comfort of emails, texts, and instant messaging. Covid has most assuredly made this worse. So the question is….has this so-called “advancement” helped or hurt?
I harkened back to my first professional sales job in the early 90s. At that time, making phone calls was the most effective way to connect with people. I still remember my first day on the job when my Sales Manager walked into my cubicle, gave me a couple of sales scripts, and dropped a huge phone book called The Yellow Pages on my desk. He then pointed at the desk phone and said, “you’ll need to become best friends with that thing if you plan on making any money.” That was pretty scary for a 22-year-old kid with no experience. Yet that ultimatum had a positive influence on my career moving forward as it forced me to learn how to effectively speak and connect with people I didn’t know.
Looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t have the choice to use email, text, or instant messaging apps. I know my professional growth would have been drastically hindered along with my relationship-building skills. Sure, these tools have made communicating fast and simple nowadays, but they have also made it much more ineffective. In fact, I would actually go so far as to say that we aren’t really communicating at all utilizing these tools. We are avoiding conversations, especially the difficult ones. As a result, we are becoming more distant and isolated. It’s a losing proposition.
As leaders, it’s our responsibility to work on reversing this troubling and unsustainable trend. To do that we’ll need to teach our teams that effective verbal communication is challenging work. Whether it’s by phone or face to face, it takes strategic thinking and overcoming fears. But it is also rewarding work, allowing us to connect more deeply with others and strengthen our relationships. We know emails and texts cannot provide this.
Below are some ideas you can use to lead your teams and/or coach individuals on moving in the direction of more verbal communication vs emails, text, and IM’s.
Create an environment that values verbal communication over the alternative
This is the first and most important step. Define the expectation level for your team by incorporating verbal communication into your company value system. Once you do that it will be much easier to build momentum collectively.
Get back to the basics
Basic verbal communication skills are just not being taught anymore. With some team members, you may have to work with them to build the skills and get them comfortable with the idea. Here are just a few:
Prepare-You don’t always get the chance to prepare in advance for verbal communication, but if you do take advantage of it by creating a framework for your conversation, jotting down notes that you want to make sure to cover.
Think before speaking-Simple in concept, difficult in reality. Get comfortable with moments of silence in order to collect your thoughts.
Be clear and concise-We’ve all been there, listening to someone drone on and on about something, using convoluted and confusing terms along the way. Get directly to the point with clarity.
Active listening-Listening is another skill where we seem to be regressing. We don’t need to listen to emails and texts. The main problem here is that we’ve always placed more value on speaking than listening. We are too eager to talk, thinking only about what we will say next. Instead think about receiving, interpreting, and evaluating the information being communicated before you respond.
Ask questions-This is especially important when dealing with complexity. In order to progress in a verbal conversation, there needs to be a mutual understanding of what is being communicated. Misunderstandings lead to a lack of production.
Understand your audience-In other words, keeping it simple should always be the natural default position.
It’s sad to think that the art of verbal communication is getting lost in our technically advanced world. Our ability to build trust and develop relationships is suffering as a result. While it’s probably not realistic to think we can reverse this trend entirely, maybe by working within our own sphere of influence and incorporating some of the ideas above we can at least stem the tide over time. Let’s start verbally connecting today!
Good Luck!
Gin-Campari Old Fashioned
The Old Fashioned is the cool drink right now. Let’s mix it up using gin instead of whiskey.
2 ozs dry gin
1 teaspoon of Campari
1 teaspoon simple syrup
3 dashes of grapefruit bitters
Sea salt
Lemon zest
In a rocks glass, muddle the lemon zest with the simple syrup, Campari, grapefruit bitters and sea salt. Add the gin and a few ice cubes and stir until well chilled. Top with more ice and serve right away.